Rebecca ([info]aznaphrodite) wrote,
2005-07-27 14:14:00
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  • Mood: amused

Southern California Barbies

This is freakin hilarious...


Just announced: A new line of Southern California Barbie dolls!!!

Irvine Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at The Irvine Spectrum. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Tustin Barbie
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold
separately.

Cerritos Barbie
In addition to perfect English, this Barbie also speaks fluent Japanese, Chinese, Mandarin and Tagalog. She earned a full scholarship to Princeton, even though she didn't need one. Comes with her own
street-racing import car, complete with Japanese animation decals. Large collection of video games
sold separately. Careers or homes for this Barbie are not available, because she will stay with her
parents until they die. If you purchase a Ken doll, he must move into her family's home and wait for their inheritance.

Van Nuys Barbie
This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy
with dark tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be
paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Santa Monica Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Fontana Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Newport Beach Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print designer bikini outfit and drinks
cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription, and monthly alimony
checks are included.

Riverside Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel
from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Fontana Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise
acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.

Laguna Beach Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no
makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not
want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Laguna Beach Barbie's and the optional Subaru wagon,
you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

Long Beach Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and a bus pass.
Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Rancho Santa Margarita Barbie
She's perfect in every way. Her home is perfect. Her family is perfect. Comes with a part time job to earn her own spending money and a bible for church on Sundays. Also has a pre-assigned carpool day. We
don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or biking or something...

City of Industry Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby
Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a meat-packer's uniform
and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not available for City of Industry Barbie
or Ken.

West Hollywood Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts!

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  • 20 comments

[info]momostephie

July 27 2005, 22:26:15 UTC 6 years ago

LoL @ the Riverside barbie... XD

[info]mandymitchell

July 27 2005, 22:27:46 UTC 6 years ago

Whatever happened to Pasadena Barbie? I could at least settle with Irvine Barbie since I'm UCI alumni. Those dolls make so much sense if you're a SoCal native. Way too funny!

[info]aznaphrodite

July 27 2005, 22:29:51 UTC 6 years ago

I think Pasadena has the same rap as Santa Monica for being "foo foo" so you can be Santa Monica Barbie too! XD

[info]mandymitchell

July 28 2005, 21:50:44 UTC 6 years ago

I don't think I count for Santa Monica since I don't go to the beach and have only visited Santa Monica several times out of my entire life. Irvine is a like a second home to me. I used to live there for five years. Thanks for the suggestion!

[info]maryssa

July 27 2005, 22:28:35 UTC 6 years ago

haha thats awesome.
but i didnt know van nuys was such a bad place? =O

[info]maryssa

July 27 2005, 22:29:18 UTC 6 years ago

oh yeah and we need a Glendale armenian barbie with rosary beads and taragon soda.

[info]aznaphrodite

July 27 2005, 22:30:05 UTC 6 years ago

Hahahahaha!!!!! So true!!!

[info]mandymitchell

July 28 2005, 21:51:15 UTC 6 years ago

Dude! That is so true!

[info]orimental

July 27 2005, 22:41:02 UTC 6 years ago

It appears that any county can have their own Barbies because I've seen this done for San Diego and saw some for some other cities too.

Here's the San Diego Barbie Collection (written Jan 12, 2004).

San Diego Barbies

[info]magicmitsuki

July 27 2005, 22:56:59 UTC 6 years ago

What about Downtown L.A. Homeless Barbie? Not available in white, unless very very old, comes with BO and baked-urine perfume bottle. Also included are soiled jeans with real human feces. No Ken doll had been made for this set, however we have included an unmarked van that will pick up your barbie for $5 blow job.

[info]jangmi

July 27 2005, 23:08:59 UTC 6 years ago

Cerritos isn't that special XDD

[info]reyrey

July 27 2005, 23:31:44 UTC 6 years ago

More special than Norwalk or Bellflower.

[info]jangmi

July 27 2005, 23:33:43 UTC 6 years ago

xDDD maybe
they all have crazy bitches~

[info]kamen_gamer

July 28 2005, 00:03:30 UTC 6 years ago

What's Bellflower??

[info]tiki_banana

July 27 2005, 23:26:46 UTC 6 years ago

LOL!! Thanks for sharing that!!

Deleted comment

[info]aznaphrodite

July 28 2005, 00:20:27 UTC 6 years ago

I think it's the general sterotype that Laguna Beach is a gay haven like West Hollywood.

[info]scrawnysquall

July 28 2005, 00:22:41 UTC 6 years ago

oops mt

meh I guess I like Cerriots Barbie, since I was born there.

I think the laguna beach barbie is way off tho cuz yea.. all the girls that go to laguna college of art are rich/yuppie. it's a really nice place.

[info]ryoko_a_gogo

July 28 2005, 04:41:29 UTC 6 years ago

Laguna is very diverse, but it's mostly known to be full of free spirited-hippie types. Even some of the rich ladies don't shave :x Hahaha it's all about Laguna's free Hari Crishna brunch on sundays LOL

[info]meridius

July 28 2005, 05:33:03 UTC 6 years ago

HA HA HA this made my day...now I gotta find one on NorCal girls

[info]jadestar4

July 30 2005, 14:19:39 UTC 6 years ago

LOL Do I still want to come to Cali now???
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